Someone gives a trigger. Maybe your spouse, maybe a colleague at an office or anyone in any situation. And we go off playing the often repeated script of reaction, then further reaction, layered by assumptions, pre-conceived notions, and subconscious biases until it degenerates to a point of no return. If you think back, am sure we have all been a part of this auto- replay of ‘scripts’ in our lives.
Last night, something interesting happened to me. I was very keenly aware and observant of the ‘oh, there you go again’ ‘script’ playing between me and my spouse. Typically, this is how it plays I am feeling low for no apparent reason. I am looking for some kindness from the ‘other’ to lift me out of my ‘low’. I am getting none. I present the ‘trigger’ by getting annoyed and raising my voice for nothing of consequence. The ‘other’ picks on the trigger and reacts with further ‘annoyance’ at my ‘unreasonable’ behavior. I react to his reaction. Usually, without awareness, I would and the ‘other’ would lead towards the beaten track of a ‘degenration’.
But this time, something interesting happened instead. I was keenly aware of the ‘script’ playing out between us. So I experimented a bit. I dropped ‘not so subtle’ hints at what I truly needed and expected out of the other to help me. I resisted the urge to pick the bait and waited patiently, while still simmering inside with my ‘feeling low for no apparent reason’ feeling. I was quieter than usual. I was in charge this time. I persisted in moving from giving ‘not so subtle hints’ to ‘straight forward’ statement of what I actually needed from the other. I did not get rewarded instantly. I could watch the ‘other’ struggling with the ‘ego’. Sometimes, the ego gets the better of us. I had let go of my ego in ‘stating clearly and in a straightforward manner’ what I needed. The other could see that for sure. In the end, the ‘other’ relented and gave me the kindness that I so desperately needed to lift me up and out of my black mood. End of story. Matter resolved.
Life could be so simple. But we make it complicated. Yesterday’s incident taught me a valuable lesson for life. We don’t have to be a victim of the ‘script’ playing out in our lives. We can take charge and take a detour leading to an outcome of our choice and desire. We can will it. We can command it. We just need to stay aware and objective about the ‘script’ taking charge. Once we can see that, we can change the course.
Try it. Next time this happens to you. Be aware and conscious of the ‘deja vu’ and will it to play the ‘script’ differently. Write a new ‘script’ every time.